


suspend

by the_ragnarok



Series: out of the darkness we reach [3]
Category: Person of Interest (TV)
Genre: D/s, Implied/Referenced Sexual Assault, M/M, Monogamy, Relationship Negotiation, Rope Bondage
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-05
Updated: 2019-05-05
Packaged: 2020-02-26 18:13:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,260
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18722317
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/the_ragnarok/pseuds/the_ragnarok
Summary: They're exclusive, but what does that mean, exactly?





	suspend

John doesn't get a lot of emails that aren't from Harold. Most of those are FetLife notifications, usually yet another person posting in the area group looking for a play partner. John sometimes reads those with guilty smugness.

This notification, while from FetLife, is of a DM -- from RopeCzar. John frowns and opens up the website.

 _Hey, John, how are you?_ the message begins. _I know we didn't part on the best terms, but I'm hosting a little get-together. I thought you and Master Aviary might attend together, you two seem very close these days!_ with an actual winking emoji. Then follow the details of the get-together, which is held at a club with a maximum capacity of 200 people according to Google.

Shortly afterwards, John's phone rings. When John answers, Harold's voice on the other end makes him smile automatically.

"Did you receive--" Harold starts.

"Logan's email? Yeah."

Harold lets out a long sigh. "The nerve of that man is unbelievable."

John huffs out a quiet laugh. "I take it you're not going?"

"Naturally." There is an uncharacteristic hesitation from the other side of the line. "That is, unless you particularly want to go and want me there."

That wasn't the answer John was expecting. "I thought..." the words dry up in his mouth and he clams up.

"I would be very interested in hearing the rest of that sentence."

Despite himself, John smiles again. "I thought you still went to his workshops."

"Why would I... Oh, dear," Harold says. "I think this conversation would be better conducted face to face."

~~

They meet in the park again, at a quiet spot where they can speak without alarming joggers. "Although this is New York," Harold says. "I doubt the joggers are easily alarmed. At any rate, as always, I am glad to see you." He takes John's hand and squeezes it discreetly.

John squeezes back. "Likewise. Why here, if you're so worried about scandalizing innocent bystanders?"

Harold smiles and lets go of John's hand. "I suspect we have an important conversation ahead of us, and I didn't want us to be distracted by, ah," his ears turn very faint pink, "other activities."

"Do you." John grins. He leans back against the bench. "So what did you want to talk about?"

Harold deliberates, and John lets himself sink into the peace that Harold's presence always brings him, a faint echo of how he feels when Harold ties him up and tells him what to do. It helps that the park itself is all singing birds and rustling leaves.

Finally, Harold says, "I haven't been to any of Logan's events since you told me that he," he pauses, and then firmly says, "assaulted you. I do not want to be associated with him."

"Grace went," John points out. "She uploaded a picture from one of his rope workshops."

Harold grimaces. "I am not responsible for Grace's conduct. I'm also not certain Grace is aware of what transpired between you and Logan. I didn't feel it was my place to share it with her without your permission."

John doesn't particularly want to tell Grace that story, especially if that means she'll feel honor-bound to boycott Logan's events as well. He doesn't want to put her in a position where she feels she has to choose.

He doesn't want Harold in that position, either. "I don't want you missing out on my account."

Harold takes his hand again, and keeps holding it, which he barely ever does in public. "Passing on events organized by a sexual offender is hardly missing out. Even if I did go, would you want to come with me?"

Not really. "I could," John says.

Harold narrows his eyes at him. "That is not what I asked," he says, irritable. He shakes his head. "As you wouldn't join me, and as I wouldn't tie anyone else up, there's not much of a point to me attending."

That makes sense, John supposes, except-- "Why wouldn't you tie anyone else up?"

Slowly, Harold says, "I believe we agreed to be monogamous?"

"So I'm the only person you've tied up in the last few months?" At Harold's nod, John says, "What about suspension?"

Harold's brow furrows. "What about it?"

John swallows. "If you want to do it with me, I could--"

"Do you want to?" Harold asks. John stills, and finally shakes his head, a tiny movement. "So we won't. Simple enough."

"But if you're not doing it with me, and you're not doing it with anybody else...."

"Yes?" Harold says, after giving John a couple of minutes to finish that sentence.

"Then you're not doing suspension at all."

"Indeed I am not," Harold says. "I'm not sure why you feel this is such a dramatic statement."

Thing is, John's been around rope people for a while now, and his initial impression that everyone viewed suspension as this ultimate act to aspire to had turned out fairly accurate so far. "Most of the pictures you have online are of suspension," John says.

"My interest in playing with you doesn't lie in how photogenic you would be, as visually appealing as you are."

John's heart skips a beat. "No? Where does it lie, then?"

Using his free hand, Harold taps John's temple with two fingers. "Here," he says, simply, "and here," laying his hand briefly over John's heart. "I won't say I don't enjoy rope work for its own sake, but ultimately, it's a means to an end. A tool." He hesitates. "Did I ever tell you why I broke up with Grace?"

"Because she realized she's polyamorous, wasn't it?"

"Yes, in the broadest strokes." Harold takes a deep breath. "If I want to be specific, the break came when I realized there were parts of her mind that she'd never let me see, let alone touch, and others whom she would. I did not cope well with that realization," he says drily.

John strokes a finger over Harold's knuckles. "I can imagine."

Harold gives him a small smile. "Knowing how you trust me," he says, voice soft, "with your mind, and your emotions, and being worthy of that trust, using it to bring you joy and catharsis and whatever else you might want -- that is what I want. I don't need to hoist you up in the air to make you fly."

John's throat constricts with how much he _wants_ , with the temptation to go down to his knees and beg right there and then. "Sure I can't convince you to come home with me?"

Harold glances around them and brings John's hand to his mouth for a brief kiss. "Soon. I want to finish this conversation first. So you understand why I won't go to Logan's events?"

John struggles to pull himself out of the pleasant fog of focusing on Harold. He reviews the conversation. "You know, I'm not sure I do," he says slowly. "If what matters to you is the mental parts, and that's what you want to be exclusive about, then why not go and tie someone up without that? You did say you liked it."

Harold blinks at him several times. "Well," he says, after a moment, "I suppose you have a point. But I still wouldn't want to associate with Logan, so his events are off limits for me. As for the other part... I suppose I could consider it." His grip on John's hand tightens, and John melts a tiny bit. "But not today."

"Not today," John agrees, weak and greedy and completely unashamed of this.


End file.
